Now, this article is going to encompass a wide variety of topics with no GPS, we are bound to end up in places where you might not expect. This is probably not the wisest decision in writing an article, but hey, #YOLO and then the judgement.
Christians and Singleness
Yes, we are going there. The cesspool of emotions and heartbreak. I’m not going to sit here and write to you on how to be content in your singleness, there are folks who are way more qualified than I am who can tell you how. What I want to focus on is the phenomenon surrounding the reasoning for singleness in the Christian community.
The dreaded Friend Zone, one of the most misrepresented concepts in our modern culture has been improperly adopted into the mindset of Christians. Let’s be careful and define terms.
If a person bread crumbs you, consciously knowing they’re leading you on in order to get a benefit from you, such as money or attention and you call this the friend zone, you’re correct to point out the flaw there. That’s wanting not you, but what you can give them, much like the false prosperity gospel teaches about Jesus. Christian dating is always intentional and if your intention is sin…well, you get the picture.
However, if you’ve fallen into the idea that being the “nice guy” requires reward, let me tell you, first off, gross, secondly, you’ve forgotten the gospel.
Now, I’m not saying you aren’t a Christian, but let me illustrate something for you. Asking a reward for being nice to someone is like asking for a reward for breathing. You’re doing a basic thing that is an assumed behavior for human beings. Dating is more than just being nice to someone. Check your heart for why you’re doing nice things, are you treating this person differently ONLY because you hope to get with them?
Where the gospel comes in is in principle. Most of you reading this right now are Protestant Christians. Our understanding of Sola Fide should preclude the idea that we should expect love from our deeds.(Romans 5:8) This person is not a job, this person is not a video game, this person is an image-bearer, so cat-calling, guilt-tripping, and manipulation should obviously be outside the realm of conceivable actions for you. Stop blaming them for not giving you something that you’re not owed.